2022 Art Retrospective
Finding myself as an artist
2022 is finally drawing to a close, and with just a week left on this semi-normal year (normal compared to the last ones, lmao) it’s time to look back on everything that’s happened throughout the year. For me it’s been quite a strange year, one I can’t really talk about without mentioning my art for several reasons. Let’s cut to the chase and jump right in.
January begins with a college student like any other; tired, burned out and exhausted. In 2021 I graduated from high school and quickly leaped into college, a decision that would later kick my ass. After lots of thinking through that year and the one before, I decided I would take my art hobby and skills to the next level by studying animation. Long story short, the pressures of college level work combined with personal matters at home made me realize that turning your hobby into a career is not as exciting as it might sound, especially if you don’t really consider what it entails beforehand. By late December I was already feeling pretty burnt out and tired of dealing with art constantly. The need to improve, especially for a future career and for grades at the time warped my perception of my art pretty badly, even though I was also objectively improving at a pace I never had before. In January of this year it all came to a head for me, and I decided to step away from my studies to rethink everything up to that point.
I worked on art during this month, however all the pieces were for college projects, and while they look alright, it’s nothing I would consider worth showing. They got me good grades, but I didn’t enjoy working on them as much as usual. Tight deadlines and procrastination are no fun.
February saw me remain quite burned out from so much piled up stress, but I managed to get myself together a tiny bit as the month ended, and I worked on Zodiacal Dawn, which was my first artwork for myself I actually enjoyed making in a while. I’m still proud of it now, as landscape drawings are something I’ve been wanting to make. March saw no art for reasons I honestly can’t quite remember, but can be attributed to college causing me to run myself to the ground. April saw a big shift in my online persona, and with that came lots of art to be done on those new changes. I created my Yoshisona, Altair, and with that lots of art related to him. I aimed to improve my anatomy and posing in particular, things that I really struggle with.
May and June were mostly normal, picking back up on complex, time consuming pieces that I don’t make as often now. Looking Out For You and Moonlight Flight are an example of this, and while I’m very proud of them and thoroughly enjoy the process, I acknowledge they aren’t something I can do every day I feel like drawing. These can take me a week or even more. I’ve always been used to doing full pieces whenever I draw, but during this year I gave myself “permission” to work on smaller, simpler pieces that don’t follow my strict process of sketching, lines, colors, background, shadows, and all that. I’ve also been doing plenty of doodles as they keep my skills constant and are good for brief ideas or silly scenarios. That said, I was going through a rough patch in June, and this is very much reflected on my art. These two pieces are vent works, something I had rarely done before because well, I always had a perception that it was goofy to do so. I’ll blame cringe culture, cuz expressing your feelings no matter the medium is cringe amirite?
July only saw one artwork at the tail end of it, which was supposed to be the beginning of a bunch of quick ref sheets for characters I have prepared but not actually designed. Those plans however got sidelined by another rough patch in August, this time actually art related. I was feeling as though my art was starting to stagnate and that I wouldn’t be able to improve further or at the speed I was before. The reminder of so many months, time and money spent into college to further my art only to turn my back on it all was also really starting to fall on me. In hindsight, I feel as though I put so much of myself and my worth on my art, on becoming an artist, that if that began faltering, everything else about me fell apart. Those feelings, raging inside me like a storm resulted in Endless Rain, a piece that challenges my beliefs about myself and my art. Not to brag, but I pulled off so many things perfectly on that one it almost doesn’t feel like I made it. Clean colored lineart, excellent color composition, a perfect pose. Now I see why the concept of a “tortured artist” making their best works in that state exists. Not that I’d like to feel like that again, it was probably an outlier. Usually when I feel like shit I don’t do anything. :P
September didn’t see any art not just due to my lack of motivation, but also because my laptop’s charger got busted, and 2-3 weeks went by while it got replaced. I worked on some doodles on paper, but it wasn’t much as my main device being unavailable effectively killed even more of my motivation. I honestly don’t quite enjoy drawing on traditional mediums much. Nonetheless, it made me realize I maybe shouldn’t have my entire life hinge on a single, fragile piece of plastic with a screen. Shocker. I was quite demotivated overall so art was the least I was thinking about during this time.
By October the laptop was back in business, and I decided to not start with a full artwork, but rather take on a unique project: Making Shimejis of my OCs. Ironically enough, I didn’t do any animation while I was studying it in uni; I was on the art basics and about to step into storyboarding before I bailed out. Drawing things frame by frame was a totally new experience for me, and the results are quite nice! Very time consuming, but worth it. There’s something special in not just seeing your OC come to life, but also have your drawing come to life, to interact with it. It feels magical, and I imagine this is the magic of animation from the view of the creator. It honestly encouraged me to consider teaching myself to animate, but not to build it as a career, but to enjoy it as a hobby. More on that in a bit.
November and December have merely been a return to form, working on pieces left and right! Complex ones, simple ones, collabs, and more Shimejis. Ending off the year too with A New Morning and DJ Reshi, which are some of my favorite works to date too! I went all out with the first one and it absolutely paid off, displaying a microcosm of my art progress through an entire year.
So… Where does this all leave me, not just as an artist, but as a person? Good question. My best guess is a collection of lessons I’m recalling now. First off, to not put so much of my self worth on what I do, how I do it, and what I do it for. I had to learn this hard, as I’m turning away from considering a career as an artist and returning back to a hobby before it gets harder to do so. I realize adding external factors to this hobby, such as praise and good grades stresses me the fuck out. That potentially turning this into my source of livelihood feels like a good recipe to make me hate what I do. Art is something I do on my own terms and for my own purposes. I have considered doing commissions, especially since some people have said they would totally pay for such, but I remain unsure on what to think. Ironic, again, as I was studying precisely to sell my art. I can’t put a price on my art, in part because it’s a personal thing, in part because I know nothing about commissions lmao. I feel that due to my disorganized nature and process I would be ripping off people if I take paid work. I’m super wildly inconsistent because I like to experiment, do things differently, or one day say “fuck it” and go about an art piece totally differently.
I also feel I have much yet to learn to consider my art worth some cash, and just overall I’d like to get better. While I enjoyed my fast improvement of my anatomy skills during college, I think I prefer to practice and further myself at my own pace, without the pressures of time and grades. I’ve felt far more comfortable with the knowledge that if my art skills aren’t at a certain level for my eventual professional life, it doesn’t matter. I’m still trying to untangle myself from the view of “just an artist”. I’m more than that, and as much as creativity matters to me, I’m sure I can acquire more skills or interests that would be career viable. “Don’t follow your passion” is a saying for a reason, but that’s a whole can of worms deserving of its own post. Besides, as much as animation is cool, I don’t really think I have a deep passion for it, and other art avenues don’t seem quite appealing. (Not to mention, art/creative industries are pretty cutthroat from what I’ve read.) I actually don’t know what I have “passion” for. Maybe letting that decide what your actual future will be is actually a bullshit idea in the context it’s usually said. Again, topic for another day.
I went through a similar arc with my hobby of modding, though not related to my professional future. I simply put lots of my worth and perception as a modder and getting mods done. I decided to quit MKWii for good, as it was siphoning too much of my time and creative energy, and take a step back to focus on other avenues, especially my YouTube, since I don’t want my channel to simply consist of modding showcases. I love editing videos and need something far more interesting to do with my channel than just that.
What does the future hold? Beats me. I hope to keep improving myself in 2023, not just as an artist, but my life overall. There are so many art projects that remain in limbo in my head, and I aim to make this year the one where they happen. My art isn’t my entire life, but it’s a big part of me, and there’s nothing wrong with keeping it as a hobby, as long as the dedication I pour into it is true and certain. All corniness aside, I also want to take this first blog entry to say thank you to everyone that supports me and my art. I don’t care about praise, but sharing my art means a lot to me, and all the encouraging words help me feel that I can keep on keeping on with my art. Happy holidays, and I wish you all a very happy and exciting 2023! Here’s to another year of drawing lots and lots of Yoshis. :)
